Jul. 3rd, 2009 | 10:08 pm
Last update three weeks ago… uups? Well, what can I say?
No, I’m not gonna say I’ve been busy because I haven’t... Actually I feel a little bit bad because all of this idling. I’m not used to this. I feel like I’m home when I’m in the middle of hurry. Wierd... maybe even sick, but being busy helps me control my mind. Last school year was the busiest ever. I was quite near burn out in winter but I realized it in time so nothing happened. But guess what, I wasn’t even sorry about it. Driving myself until the end of my limits didn’t feel wrong. Two weeks lay-off and then I was ready to work again.
Now it’s summer. School year ended at the end of May and I haven’t do anything since then. I’m quite sure no one can understand how hard it was for me first... lying three hours under the sun just doing nothing – that was incredibly hard. Of course I used to that style soon... My sleep pattern turned around and now I’m sleeping about 10 hours every night and 2-3 hours daydreams almost everyday. I feel so lazy! And deep inside I feel guilty. I want to do something, but I feel like I’m too tired for that. And that isn’t possible. I haven’t done anything in one month! All this sucks because I’m even too tired to write anything.
I made promise to myself (and to Julia) that next school years isn’t going to be like the former was. Next year I’m going to read. I won’t idle whole years again. What’s the point to be at school if you aren’t doing anything for it? No, there is no point. I get good grades even if I’m not studying so I can’t even imagine how good student I would be if I study a little bit more!
After all previous decision scares hell out of me. I become depressed years ago because I pushed too hard at school. Is it going to happen again? Now I have much more things to do in my free time than then. Is this going to backfire? Am I pathetic because I’m scared? But I really don’t want to feel all that shit what was on me when I was depressed. It ruins so much, so many good ideas, so many things... Maybe I’m already strong enought to fight back but still... I don’t want to suffer that all again.
Gaah, I really should go to write something. I feel like it’s going to work out this time! I just have to brace up!
Jun. 11th, 2009 | 03:25 pm
...ups, this break was quite long ^^'
I don't know, I've just been so incapable. I have had much free time now when my summer holiday started but still I've been ignoring everything, even my pen pals! I feel sorry for them, but I try to answer back to them before I'll travel to Tampere. Ah, I miss Jossu so much :3 But just three days and then I'm gonna see her! ♥
Jenni was here from Tuesday till Thursday, she left about an hour ago. It was nice to see her after a long time! God, it was last summer when we proberly saw each other previous time! So long!
I woke up
this morning at 1:30 pm... eh, well uuups! ^^' And tomorrow I have to wake about 7 am! I'm going to be so dead! XD But I need money so I have to do some summer jobs.
And I'm waiting Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince movie so fuckin' much! Oh, I wish it would be July already ,____,
Maybe I'll write a little bit more next time (which probably isn't until the next month!!! :D)
May. 5th, 2009 | 07:43 pm
music: X Japan
Woooppss, I wrote this last Friday but I forgot to post ti ^^’ But well, here it is!
I'm doing it again... Watching X Japan's live... Hongkong's this time. Gaah, I don't know can I ever watch any of X's lives without crying. Probably not... It's just... something so beautiful, something incredible... there are no words for it really... Yoshiki, Toshi, everyone... Everything in X Japan's lives is so touching... everything, whole implementation... Someday I'll be there... Someday I’ll see X in real life...
Oh noh... Without You... song what makes me cry everytime... I can't breathe... It always distress me... Break would be nice... yeah, fuckin' nice... I just hate this day... or actually this night... it's been 11 years since hide passed away then... It's so unfair... hide was one of the most amazing persons in the world... why him? It's not fair... It isn't... I can't even think how much it hurted Yoshiki... and hurt even today... man, God I respect you so much... You're not human, there is too much pain to deal with...
Yeah... I’ll go sleep now... and continue when I wake up... yeah, good idea... It's too depressing to watch whole live without breaks... Now I also have headache, fuckin' great... Bed, here I come!
Aaaaand, continue!!! God… I feel so bad because of Yoshiki. He was sick when this concert was hold. Poor drummer, you shouldn’t play when you’re ill ☆⌒(＞。≪)
But awwwwww! Pata is so cute! He was like “Yo!” when he got the microphone! Awww, it was so sweet, love you! And Yoshiki... awww! Okay, I’m fangirling once again, but what ever! He told that Pata was drunk and day after that he got sick... and Sugizo was sick too and Yoshiki became also sick himself... Yo-chan thought Toshi is probably the next one who’s gonna be ill, but Heath was absolutely healty – because he is the youngest one, right? Haha, so sweet! I love Yoshiki’s accent when he speaks English *w* Btw, Heath’s bass is hearing better this time... I’m glad, I love bass’ voice <3
Awww, Yoshiki’s accent! (yeah, again <333) He’s so adorable! He was like “Where did everyone go?!” when he was alone at the stage and talked to microphone, he actually said that XDDD Poor guy, everyone just left! But at least Toshi was the saviour and came back to the stage first ^^
X Japan is really something bigger than life! *do X jump*
~To hide’s memory~
Rest in peace
Look! This pic is from Tokyo Dome's live this May. Look at Toshi and Heath, how sweet *w*
Apr. 30th, 2009 | 03:05 pm
music: X Japan
I'm really in good mood right now! ^-^ I noticed that summer is really coming \(*w*)/ Wow, spring is so beautiful time.... of course I say this too early and next week I'm suffering because of pollen allergy *laughs* But let's think positively! I have just 11 normal school days left! Of course there is exam week, but I don't count it ^^ Really, this whole year went so fast! And I already have some fascinating summer plans, oh, I can wait! ♥
You know, tomorrow is the first of May~ I'm probably one of those few people who are going to spend alcohol-free day *smiles* But I'm really waiting for the weekend (I always write first 'week end' l(ike that X Japan's song) yeah, I'm pathetic *grins*). On Saturday I'm going to Tampere with Terhi, Kaisa and Sanna. Lord of the Rings symphony is going to take place at Tampere talo and just guess are we going exactly there *w* And I have chance to see Johanna again! Oh, I love that girl 'w' I'm just little bit scared... It's 2nd May and... well, hide died on that day... 11 years ago of course, but still... maybe I just cry my eyes out before I go anywhere... yeah, that's good plan! But still... oh come on, stop it Hanna, it's just one day! Btw Julia, as you I would be alive on Saturday morning... I don't know what to do if even my friend die at the same day as hide and when both were drunk! Okay, okay... I'm just paranoid *laughs*
By the way, I thought something today~ I think it would be nice to be a singer. Just make music, I would be nice. My problem just is that I don't know can I sing or not. No one ever said that to me... Of course my parents keep saying I have nice voice, but I really don't trust to their opinion. It's too partial. I hope someday someone would say to me, is it just a stupid dream or is my singing voice good enough to be a singer or something... Well, maybe someday... At least I'm going to write a book in future, that's sure! Writing is one of those few things I know I really can do (although it took years before I started to believe it myself :P).
Yesterday's ice hockey game was btw exciting! Finland - Czech woow... Finland won - of course - and I'm glad because of that! Finland - Canada game moved a little bit farther!
Emm... perhaps this is it... I don't have anything else to say. Except I dye my hair today, red hair here I come! *grins*
Apr. 25th, 2009 | 10:14 pm
Oh... I miss my old hair! It's been about six months when I colored my hair, I want those brown/black back - but before that I still have this red colour left. Soo... about month and then I can have my brown hair back! Waiting for that! \(^o^)/
I was mean to my friends today, haha... I asked them to pick the worst pictures which was visible in my IRC-gallery's profile... I just wanted to test their honesty *laughs* But thanks to them now the most terrible pictures are out of sight. Thanks you, I really appreciate your opinions! ♥
Maa, maa... This was big day to all miyavi's fans from all over the Europe! His second world tour was published and it contains two concert in Finland, yattaaa! \o/ Stupid man, his baby is going to born in July and that silly man is just going to world tour, poor melody *laughs
But you know what... I've been very irritated because my writing prosess isn't working... I really hate it... I'm just so fuckin' inefficient! These are times when I really hate myself... I always keep saying "maybe tomorrow, then I'll write..." This really piss me off...
Apr. 21st, 2009 | 07:46 pm
music: X Japan - I.V,
Probably I have, but...
Just wow, Yoshiki you're God of music!
Apr. 20th, 2009 | 07:32 pm
music: Cry of the next-door neighbour's baby ,__,
Btw, my mom was kinda sweet today... or actually just funny, what ever... We just talked about something and then she was suddenly like: "It's nice your meds have started to effect. Now I can speak to you without being afraid of your anger." Haha, I was so surprised and I just laughed so much. Ahahaha, thanks mom, I know I'm sweet kid! *grins*
I noticed today (again) that I like my room very much. I really mean it, it's so nice! I like all the posters, pictures and stuff on my walls - I really love to live hear ^-^
To the next time!
Apr. 15th, 2009 | 02:35 pm
music: Hamster on a piano... >-<''
This is better day, much better! Not perfect, but I'm cheerful again and that's enough! ＼（＾ ＾）／
It's wonderful weather outside; sun shines and there isn't much snow anymore - spring is coming! Btw, I realized how much I love Finnish language! It's so fuckin' hopeless, strange, difficult and complicated! You can see I'm in love, ne? ﾎﾟｯ(*ﾟ.ﾟ)(ﾟ.ﾟ*)ﾎﾟｯ
I feel much better and even that I have to go to therapy 5.00 pm I'm not pissed off or anything! Yattaaa, happy day~
Oh, I have forgotten to praise last weekend! I was in Varkaus and... well, I don't think my brains are going to be okay anymore - not now, not ever. When I hear or read text OM NOM NOM I almost run out of the room and scream like a hell! That's what that weekend made to me *laughs* In nutshell it was all just some freakin' stupid jokes, laugh and brainless humour! "Yuuri on kaiken alku ja yuuri... " Errr, what the hell?! Well, it wasn't me (I hope! ! !) so don't blame me! ＼（－－）／
Okay, I have to admit I had much fun in Varkaus. And I know those guys love Yoshiki, they just like to tease me! *grins* But really, there were cruel! They drown my hide (super ball... XDDD) to dip sauce and that wasn't fair! I had to rescue him ,,______,, Btw, I don't wanna be only one whose brains are corrupted!
Apr. 14th, 2009 | 07:38 pm
Apr. 14th, 2009 | 04:26 pm
I'm not usually aggressive but today everything piss me off... I hate people and their stupid views! Aaaaaa, I wanna hit someone! Now!
Stupid fuckin' mood, usually I endure different kind of people but NOT today! *going away*